12. The Serrano Diaries

The website that would become my passion was in it's infancy. Todd began sending me documents that had belonged to mass murderer, Nelson Serrano. Documents the judge had ruled inadmissible. No one had ever actually seen these papers except for the prosecutors, defense attorneys, the Special Agent in charge of the case, and Judge Susan Roberts herself, though I doubt she ever read them.
(excerpts from the original letter 12/04/06)

.............people just want to read his (Serrano) words, that's all that matters. They show how weird he is and all the sick things he made up. I think you'll understand why he asked me to organize all this and write him a letter. Once you get them on the site, call that producer from that New York News station and let him know.

It was kind of creepy reading a killer's words written in his own handwriting. It was even creepier that they were now in my possession. Or at least copies of them. I scanned the notes and posted them on the site and entitled them "The Serrano Diaries". I posted the skit and a biography of Todd he had previously written. The website was finally up and running and became a hit within the Bartow courthouse. I even received a kind note to Todd from one of Serrano's victim's family members. She wrote:

Hi Todd, thank you for all you did in helping the State of Florida prove what kind of person Nelson Serrano really is. I hope that when you are released you will have the good life God gave you the ability to have. You are an intelligent and caring person and although I believe we end up where we are for a reason, I pray that one day you will be able to help people while you are in a much better place.

About this time I also began to notice a change in the tone of Todd's letters. In between writing instructions about who to call and which document to track down, his letters were becoming more personal. We had never met in person but had come to know each other through our letters. He had received a total of 3 "contraband" pictures of me and hid them all over his cell. One photo, he kept hidden on the wall next to his bed.

(excerpts from original letter 12/04/06)

..........you are on the wall next to my head. When I lay down in my bunk I look right at you. What the heck are you doing writing to me? It still blows me away. I am quite smitten with you and your behavior. You are my angel from heaven. There's no other explanation. I feel as though I'm 18 again. I feel alive.

Love,

Todd

xoxoxoxox

p.s. And that's friend to friend, heart to heart and I mean it. I also know that it can only grow stronger. Who knows what will happen. You make me feel so good.

On 12/10/06 I received a package from Todd. I opened it up only to find a plastic soap dish filled with candy. It was the most beautiful gift I have ever received. How in the world did a guy with out a penny to his name in a jail's isolation cell manage to get that for me? Still being leery of this whole situation, I was afraid to eat the candy. Fearing maybe it was poison or laced with drugs. After all, it had come from a correctional facility. I placed the soap dish on my bedside table where it was later found by one of my huskys who ate every piece, soap dish and all. The dog survived.

(excerpts from the original letter 12/12/06)

I hope you received my card and my "kisses" that I sent you. I couldn't wait to send it to you. You mean a lot to me, you'll just never know. You have to actually be in here and see and feel the despair in order to know what I mean. To get a letter from you is like walking outside your house right now and seeing the prettiest rainbow you have ever seen.

My heart was becoming weaker too. As I go back and read these letters I can see it now though I didn't know it at the time. On 12/10/06 I wrote:

.........Am I in love with you? I'm not so sure it's possible to love someone you've never met before. And love isn't something that comes my way very often. I will tell you this, there's something there and we owe it to our selves to figure out what that "something" is. You told me once you were scared. Well I'm terrified.

He was still in lockdown and wasn't able to leave his cell except for the 45 minutes a day he was allowed to shower and shave. Sometimes, if there was unrest within the jail, he wasn't allowed out at all. Because he was in isolation, he didn't have a window or a television in his cell like they show on TV. But there was TV in what they called the dayroom. Todd would take his plastic mat off his bunk and lie it on the floor. From there he could see the TV underneath the crack on his door. Once, on a particularly dark and depressing day, he saw a documentary about 911. He said it showed the airport where I live. Just being able to see the general area where I was made him feel happy and the depression went away.

Todd had that upcoming court date and we didn't know what would happen. He said the worst he could get would be 15 months in prison. My heart sank. But he also said the best that could happen would be that he got released on probation. I optimistically began to make preparations just in case he was released.

(excerpts from the original letter 12/14/06)

....you asked me once what was the first thing I wanted to do when I got out. I want to take you somewhere on a clear night and lay down on a huge blanket and look up at the stars and talk about life and God and hold you tight. And be free. Totally free for the first time in 43 years. Free from the past and everything that haunts me. And free to be with you.

The star gazing trip would have to wait. Todd's court date was postponed until January 12, 2007. We would have to wait another month to hear the judge's ruling on Todd's case. He spent that Christmas in jail.